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Two and a Half Men

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Seasons · 12
Two and a Half Men, season 1 — 24 episodes
  1. Pilot — 2003-09-22
  2. Big Flappy Bastards — 2003-09-29
  3. Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell — 2003-10-06
  4. If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap — 2003-10-13
  5. The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump — 2003-10-20
  6. Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? — 2003-10-27
  7. If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake — 2003-11-03
  8. Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful — 2003-11-10
  9. Phase One, Complete — 2003-11-17
  10. Merry Thanksgiving — 2003-11-24
  11. Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor — 2003-12-15
  12. Camel Filters and Pheromones — 2004-01-05
  13. Sarah Like Puny Alan — 2004-01-12
  14. I Can't Afford Hyenas — 2004-02-02
  15. Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick — 2004-02-09
  16. That Was Saliva, Alan — 2004-02-16
  17. Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats — 2004-02-23
  18. An Old Flame with a New Wick — 2004-03-01
  19. I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You — 2004-03-22
  20. Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark — 2004-04-19
  21. No Sniffing, No Wowing — 2004-05-03
  22. My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet — 2004-05-10
  23. Just Like Buffalo — 2004-05-17
  24. Can You Feel My Finger — 2004-05-24
Two and a Half Men, season 2 — 24 episodes
  1. Back Off Mary Poppins — 2004-09-20
  2. Enjoy Those Garlic Balls — 2004-09-27
  3. A Bag Full of Jawea — 2004-10-04
  4. Go Get Mommy's Bra — 2004-10-11
  5. Bad News from the Clinic — 2004-10-18
  6. The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance — 2004-10-25
  7. A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana — 2004-11-08
  8. Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers — 2004-11-15
  9. Yes, Monsignor — 2004-11-22
  10. The Salmon Under My Sweater — 2004-11-29
  11. Last Chance to See Those Tattoos — 2004-12-13
  12. A Lung Full of Alan — 2005-01-03
  13. Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów — 2005-01-17
  14. Those Big Pink Things with Coconut — 2005-01-31
  15. Smell the Umbrella Stand — 2005-02-07
  16. Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth? — 2005-02-14
  17. Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam! — 2005-02-21
  18. It Was Mame, Mom — 2005-03-07
  19. A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise — 2005-03-21
  20. I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey — 2005-04-18
  21. A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On — 2005-05-02
  22. That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother — 2005-05-09
  23. Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab — 2005-05-16
  24. Does This Smell Funny to You — 2005-05-23
Two and a Half Men, season 3 — 24 episodes
  1. Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts — 2005-09-19
  2. Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover — 2005-09-26
  3. Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark — 2005-10-03
  4. Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs — 2005-10-10
  5. We Called It Mr. Pinky — 2005-10-17
  6. Hi, Mr. Horned One — 2005-10-24
  7. Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop — 2005-11-07
  8. That Voodoo That I Do Do — 2005-11-14
  9. Madame and Her Special Friend — 2005-11-21
  10. Something Salted and Twisted — 2005-11-28
  11. Santa's Village of the Damned — 2005-12-19
  12. That Special Tug — 2006-01-09
  13. Humiliation Is a Visual Medium — 2006-01-23
  14. Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded — 2006-02-06
  15. My Tongue Is Meat — 2006-02-27
  16. Ergo, the Booty Call — 2006-03-06
  17. The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer — 2006-03-13
  18. The Spit-Covered Cobbler — 2006-03-20
  19. Golly Moses, She's a Muffin — 2006-04-10
  20. Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro — 2006-04-24
  21. And the Plot Moistens — 2006-05-01
  22. Just Once with Aunt Sophie — 2006-05-08
  23. Arguments for the Quickie — 2006-05-15
  24. That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite — 2006-05-22
Two and a Half Men, season 4 — 24 episodes
  1. Working for Caligula — 2006-09-18
  2. Who's Vod Kanockers — 2006-09-25
  3. The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress — 2006-10-02
  4. A Pot Smoking Monkey — 2006-10-09
  5. A Live Woman of Proven Fertility — 2006-10-16
  6. Apologies for the Frivolity — 2006-10-23
  7. Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head — 2006-11-06
  8. Release the Dogs — 2006-11-13
  9. Corey's Been Dead for an Hour — 2006-11-20
  10. Kissing Abraham Lincoln — 2006-11-27
  11. Walnuts and Demerol — 2006-12-11
  12. Castrating Sheep in Montana — 2007-01-08
  13. Don't Worry, Speed Racer — 2007-01-22
  14. That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami — 2007-02-05
  15. My Damn Stalker — 2007-02-12
  16. Young People Have Phlegm Too — 2007-02-19
  17. I Merely Slept with a Commie — 2007-02-26
  18. It Never Rains in Hooterville — 2007-03-19
  19. Smooth as a Ken Doll — 2007-04-09
  20. Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot — 2007-04-16
  21. Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous — 2007-04-23
  22. Mr. McGlue's Feedbag — 2007-04-30
  23. Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin — 2007-05-07
  24. Prostitutes and Gelato — 2007-05-14
Two and a Half Men, season 5 — 19 episodes
  1. Large Birds, Spiders and Mom — 2007-09-24
  2. Media Room Slash Dungeon — 2007-10-01
  3. Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo — 2007-10-08
  4. City of Great Racks — 2007-10-15
  5. Putting Swim Fins on a Cat — 2007-10-22
  6. Help Daddy Find His Toenail — 2007-10-29
  7. Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room — 2007-11-05
  8. Is There a Mrs. Waffles? — 2007-11-12
  9. Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids — 2007-11-19
  10. Kinda Like Necrophilia — 2007-11-26
  11. Meander to Your Dander — 2008-03-17
  12. A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh — 2008-03-24
  13. The Soil Is Moist — 2008-03-31
  14. Winky-Dink Time — 2008-04-14
  15. Rough Night in Hump Junction — 2008-04-21
  16. Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty — 2008-04-28
  17. Fish in a Drawer — 2008-05-05
  18. If My Hole Could Talk — 2008-05-12
  19. Waiting for the Right Snapper — 2008-05-19
Two and a Half Men, season 6 — 24 episodes
  1. Taterhead Is Our Love Child — 2008-09-22
  2. Pie Hole, Herb — 2008-09-29
  3. Damn You, Eggs Benedict — 2008-10-06
  4. The Flavin' and the Mavin' — 2008-10-13
  5. A Jock Strap in Hell — 2008-10-20
  6. It's Always Nazi Week — 2008-11-03
  7. Best H.O. Money Can Buy — 2008-11-10
  8. Pinocchio's Mouth — 2008-11-17
  9. The Mooch at the Boo — 2008-11-24
  10. He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited — 2008-12-08
  11. The Devil's Lube — 2008-12-15
  12. Thank God for Scoliosis — 2009-01-12
  13. I Think You Offended Don — 2009-01-19
  14. David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie — 2009-02-02
  15. I'd Like to Start with the Cat — 2009-02-09
  16. She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime — 2009-03-02
  17. The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? — 2009-03-09
  18. My Son's Enormous Head — 2009-03-16
  19. The Two Finger Rule — 2009-03-30
  20. Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau — 2009-04-13
  21. Above Exalted Cyclops — 2009-04-27
  22. Sir Lancelot's Litter Box — 2009-05-04
  23. Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth — 2009-05-11
  24. Baseball Was Better with Steroids — 2009-05-18
Two and a Half Men, season 7 — 22 episodes
  1. 818-jklpuzo — 2009-09-21
  2. Whipped Unto the Third Generation — 2009-09-28
  3. Mmm, Fish. Yum. — 2009-10-05
  4. Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator — 2009-10-12
  5. For the Sake of the Child — 2009-10-19
  6. Give Me Your Thumb — 2009-11-02
  7. Untainted by Filth — 2009-11-09
  8. Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. — 2009-11-16
  9. Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair — 2009-11-23
  10. That's Why They Call It 'Ball Room' — 2009-12-07
  11. Warning, It's Dirty — 2009-12-14
  12. Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste — 2010-01-11
  13. Yay, No Polyps — 2010-01-18
  14. Crude and Uncalled For — 2010-02-01
  15. Aye, Aye, Captain Douche — 2010-02-08
  16. Tinkle Like a Princess — 2010-03-01
  17. I Found Your Moustache — 2010-03-08
  18. Ixnay on the Oggie Day — 2010-03-22
  19. Keith Moon Is Vomiting in his Grave — 2010-04-12
  20. I Called Him Magoo — 2010-05-10
  21. Gumby with a Pokey — 2010-05-17
  22. This Is Not Gonna End Well — 2010-05-24
Two and a Half Men, season 8 — 16 episodes
  1. Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud — 2010-09-20
  2. A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer — 2010-09-27
  3. A Pudding-Filled Cactus — 2010-10-04
  4. Hookers, Hookers, Hookers — 2010-10-11
  5. The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel — 2010-10-18
  6. Twanging Your Magic Clanger — 2010-10-25
  7. The Crazy Bitch Gazette — 2010-11-01
  8. Springtime on a Stick — 2010-11-08
  9. A Good Time in Central Africa — 2010-11-15
  10. Ow, Ow, Don't Stop — 2010-11-22
  11. Dead from the Waist Down — 2010-12-06
  12. Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead — 2010-12-13
  13. Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup — 2011-01-03
  14. Lookin' for Japanese Subs — 2011-01-17
  15. Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak — 2011-02-07
  16. That Darn Priest — 2011-02-14
Two and a Half Men, season 9 — 24 episodes
  1. Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt — 2011-09-19
  2. People Who Love Peepholes — 2011-09-26
  3. Big Girls Don't Throw Food — 2011-10-03
  4. Nine Magic Fingers — 2011-10-10
  5. A Giant Cat Holding a Churro — 2011-10-17
  6. The Squat and the Hover — 2011-10-24
  7. Those Fancy Japanese Toilets — 2011-10-31
  8. Thank You for the Intercourse — 2011-11-07
  9. Frodo's Headshots — 2011-11-14
  10. A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes — 2011-11-21
  11. What a Lovely Landing Strip — 2011-12-05
  12. One False Move, Zimbabwe! — 2011-12-12
  13. Slowly and in a Circular Fashion — 2012-01-02
  14. A Possum on Chemo — 2012-01-16
  15. The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack — 2012-02-06
  16. Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy — 2012-02-13
  17. Not in My Mouth! — 2012-02-20
  18. The War Against Gingivitis — 2012-02-27
  19. Palmdale, Ech — 2012-03-19
  20. Grandma's Pie — 2012-04-09
  21. Mr. Hose Says 'Yes' — 2012-04-16
  22. Why We Gave Up Women — 2012-04-30
  23. The Straw in My Donut Hole — 2012-05-07
  24. Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! — 2012-05-14
Two and a Half Men, season 10 — 23 episodes
  1. I Changed My Mind About the Milk — 2012-09-27
  2. A Big Bag of Dog — 2012-10-04
  3. Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt — 2012-10-11
  4. You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For — 2012-10-18
  5. That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam — 2012-10-25
  6. Ferrets, Attack! — 2012-11-01
  7. Avoid the Chinese Mustard — 2012-11-08
  8. Something My Gynecologist Said — 2012-11-15
  9. I Scream When I Pee — 2012-11-29
  10. One Nut Johnson — 2012-12-06
  11. Give Santa a Tail-Hole — 2012-12-13
  12. Welcome to Alancrest — 2013-01-03
  13. Grab a Feather and Get in Line — 2013-01-10
  14. Run, Steven Staven! Run! — 2013-01-31
  15. Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It — 2013-02-07
  16. Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby — 2013-02-14
  17. Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries — 2013-02-21
  18. The 9:04 from Pemberton — 2013-03-07
  19. Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon — 2013-03-14
  20. Bazinga! That's From a TV Show — 2013-04-04
  21. Another Night with Neil Diamond — 2013-04-25
  22. My Bodacious Vidalia — 2013-05-02
  23. Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped — 2013-05-09
Two and a Half Men, season 11 — 22 episodes
  1. Nangnangnangnang — 2013-09-26
  2. I Think I Banged Lucille Ball — 2013-10-03
  3. This Unblessed Biscuit — 2013-10-10
  4. Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank — 2013-10-17
  5. Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 — 2013-10-24
  6. Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants — 2013-11-07
  7. Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie — 2013-11-14
  8. Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. — 2013-11-21
  9. Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer — 2013-12-05
  10. On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! — 2013-12-12
  11. Tazed in the Lady Nuts — 2014-01-02
  12. Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. — 2014-01-09
  13. Bite Me, Supreme Court — 2014-01-30
  14. Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe — 2014-02-06
  15. Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin — 2014-02-27
  16. How to Get Rid of Alan Harper — 2014-03-06
  17. Welcome Home, Jake — 2014-03-13
  18. West Side Story — 2014-04-03
  19. Lan mao shi zai wuding shang — 2014-04-10
  20. Lotta Delis in Little Armenia — 2014-04-24
  21. Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot — 2014-05-01
  22. Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead — 2014-05-08
Two and a Half Men, season 12 — 16 episodes
  1. The Ol' Mexican Spinach — 2014-10-30
  2. A Chic Bar in Ibiza — 2014-11-06
  3. Glamping in a Yurt — 2014-11-13
  4. Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight — 2014-11-20
  5. Oontz. Oontz. Oontz. — 2014-11-27
  6. Alan Shot a Little Girl — 2014-12-04
  7. Sex with an Animated Ed Asner — 2014-12-11
  8. Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey — 2014-12-18
  9. Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey — 2015-01-08
  10. Here I Come, Pants! — 2015-01-15
  11. For Whom the Booty Calls — 2015-01-22
  12. A Beer-Battered Rip-Off — 2015-01-29
  13. Boompa Loved His Hookers — 2015-02-05
  14. Don't Give a Monkey a Gun — 2015-02-12
  15. Of Course He's Dead: Part 1 — 2015-02-19
  16. Of Course He's Dead: Part 2 — 2015-02-19
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